HEALING THE POWER OF SISTERHOOD

If you really knew me, you would know that I have lots of girl friends that I love and adore. If you really knew me, you would also know that it was not always this way for me. Yes, I have always had friends that are woman, but it wasn’t until the last 5 years or so that I really began to understand the power, wisdom, and importance of true, real, meaningful connections with other woman. 

I used to be afraid. I used to judge and compare myself to other woman. I used to feel jealous of that beautiful sister with all of the radiant talents and gifts. I used to compare myself and where I was on my professional or relationship status compared to “her”. I used to feel less than and not equal to my sisters. In turn, this had me feeling very distant and separate from other woman. We would be gathered in sisterhood, and I would always feel little distant and alone. For years, I did not really have a woman with whom I could call my best friend or reach out to in times of need and stress. 

My curiosity, is this; Do any other woman find this to be true? Do any other woman have similar experience? Have you ever felt the judgmental comparison between woman? Have you experienced this in the past and/or are you currently working with any similar patterns in you awareness? 

Over the course of the last 5 years or so, I have been on a deep spiritual quest to balance and awakening my growing power being a woman. I have been consciously cultivating and healing my relationship to the feminine through joining woman’s groups to reading books and taking courses in feminine embodiment. For me, becoming a mother was a huge step in claiming my seat as a woman and required me to extend my regard to other woman, so that I could learn from them, and I could receive the love and support that I needed as I passed through my motherhood initiation. 

In my recent studies, the late Shakti Milan puts forth a radical distinction in her book, Sexual Awakening For Woman, A Tantric Workbook, that I believe is worth talking about together in sisterhood tribe. She refers to this collective judgement and comparison between woman as the “Woman’s Union". Originating from the patriarchal paradigm where men hold the power, and maintain a "power over other” mentality, Shakti describes the fact that woman have internalized this belief and police other woman who are not fitting in with the prescribed norm (especially and specifically in the realm of sexuality). Instead of supporting and uplifting one another, secretly we wish other woman negativity and do not want the other to succeed or do well, or flourish.  Perhaps this is also embedded in our psyche to protect ourselves from loosing our men. If another woman seems threatening to our family/relationship, it is understanding that we would not want her close to us so therefore we outcast her as to not cause us trouble. 

As I have begun to unpack this belief and question its origination over the last several years of my study, I have come to discover that like in most relationships, what I see outwardly is truly a reflection of my internal state. When I catch myself in thought about judging another woman, I have a beautiful opportunity. I can either give my attention and energy towards the idea of separation of power over, OR I can use the moment as a learning opportunity for further self discovery. It can also be useful to understand that what we are uncovering here is also related to what is being held in the collective unconscious. For me, it is more powerful and empowering to take a long slow look in the mirror to discover something unreseolved in my own psyche and that held in the collective unconscious. 

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{A PRACTICE IN TAKING BACK JUDGEMENTS:

TRANSFORMING THE WOMAN’S UNION 

INTO THE SISTERHOOD SUPPORT}

This practice can be done solo, with other woman as a group discussion. After you do the journal work it can be useful to share what you are learning with other woman in your life/circle. In addition, after you complete this practice you will have a leans to see what happens for you in future moments if/when you feel the woman’s union arising inside of you. Pausing for a moment to feel and notice with mindfulness is the first step towards radical empowerment. 

STEP 1: Set aside 10/20 minutes in a quiet space with your journal and pen. 

STEP 2: Light a candle, burn some sage, and settle into an intentional space to be with yourself in this powerful inquire. 

STEP 3: Find a comfortable seat or lye down and begin taking slow deep breaths. Allow your attention to shift inward towards yourself. Scan your body, heart, and mind for how you are doing in this moment. 

STEP 4: Once you feel settled, ask yourself these question: “In what way do I judge and criticize woman? What do I typically judge other woman of and for? Do I typically feel better than or less than other woman?” Come up with your own creative questions that feel aligned with this inquire for you. 

STEP 5: Notice what arrises and take 10 minutes to free write in your journal about everything that arrises from you. Do not hold back. Allow yourself to feel all of it. The key here is welcoming all parts of yourself to be present with our judgement or make wrong. Be as nasty and unedited as possible to really let the energy flow. 

STEP 6: Look back over what you wrote and reread your discoveries. Try to have an open mind and begin to try on the idea that what you see outwardly (your repulsions and judgements) are really all projections living inside of you that you are not wilding to face and own. Ask yourself powerfully, what is it in her/other woman that I either resist or desire in my own life/being? Take a serious look at the judgements and see if you can take responsibility for this aspect inside of you. 

*example: I notice that one judgement I have is that “she” sees to have such a successful career and is so confident! ~ Turning back to own my projections I would start to see that what I see in her is actually something I want for myself. I would love to have a successful career and be confident like her. Perhaps we can shift the focus towards, “wow, she seems so confident and successful. Maybe I could learn something from her!” Instead of making her wrong I can actually celebrate her and her wins. 

STEP 7: Make a commitment to take notice of how and when this comes up for you as you move forward. Again, we are not trying to change or fix anything, just simply bring awareness to the parts of ourself with a mindful awareness. As we notice projections and repulsions in others, we can begin to reclaim the lost parts of ourself that are really speaking through our judgements. 

STEP 8: Share what you are learning about this with your other sisters. Continue to inquire ongoing about this conversation. Comment and share what you are getting from this experience. 

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For me, this process has been a journey back to myself, owning my projections, and awakening the qualities see in other woman that I wish to cultivate for myself has been a deeply rich and rewarding process. Not only am I surrounded by many sisters, aunties, mothers, and daughters the I honor, respect and cherish, I have honestly created a beautiful support of sisters around me. It is my wish and honor to shed light to the conversation of how we have become separated as woman to unify together to illuminate a new paradigm in which we support and uplift one another with joy and reverence. To me, honoring the sacred in the other is a beautiful path of love and grace.

From my sister circle, to the world, it is my wish that all woman begin to remember the importance of seeing each other with honor and respect to birth a new paradigm rooted in shared care and positive regards seeing the best in one another.  Feminine nourishes the feminine in the world, and it is my prayer that we can allow ourselves the joy of sisterhood connection in the unique beautiful way that only we can offer one another.

I would love to hear how this conversation and practice outlined above has impacted you. Please comment bellow or send me a message on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/stayintouchwithlarastouch/

With Love,
Lara